You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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