Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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