My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
