i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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