that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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