the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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