Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
