they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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