He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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