If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
