I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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