I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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