Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
