i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
