yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
