White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize