Welp...herpes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
