I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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