fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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