Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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