mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
