I wannas sexs uuuuu
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
