Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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