My room smells like vodka and shame
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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