omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
