I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
