I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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