How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
