also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
