no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
