If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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