the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
