Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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