from now on my penis is your penis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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