So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
