I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
