My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
