im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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