I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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