my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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