my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
