She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
