Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
