Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is that a dick in a sweater?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
