I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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