you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
