if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize