i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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