so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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