He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
