i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
