My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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