He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
