i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
