i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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