i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
