Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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