walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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