come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
