in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
