Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
