Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
