I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
