She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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