Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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