I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
