I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
