The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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