After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
