Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
